When I first started making serious money, I did what a lot of people do. I bought things. Homes, cars, boats, beautiful things. I enjoyed being able to afford them, and I am not going to sit here now and pretend that I didn't. When you come from very little and suddenly have the ability to buy things you once only dreamed about, it can be incredibly exciting.
I remember that feeling. Buying a new car or yacht could give me an incredible high. For a while, it felt like I was moving forward in life. I was becoming more successful, and the things around me seemed to prove it.
The problem was that the feeling never lasted.
Eventually the new car was just my car. The house was just where I lived. The excitement wore off, and there was always something else to buy. I eventually discovered one of the most important financial lessons of my life: looking rich and being financially free are two very different things.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that often teaches us the opposite.
We Are Constantly Being Sold an Image of Success
Think about how many times a day you are shown what a successful life is supposed to look like.
It’s the luxury car, the beautiful home, the expensive watch, the perfect vacation and the latest phone. Social media has made this even more powerful because now we aren’t only comparing ourselves to celebrities in advertisements. We are comparing ourselves to friends, coworkers, neighbors and people we’ve never met.
The message is subtle, but it is everywhere: If you had this, you would feel better about yourself.
I fell for that message too.
There is nothing wrong with buying something beautiful because you genuinely enjoy it. I still like nice things. The question is whether you own the things or the things own you.
If you’re making payments you can’t comfortably afford because you want to look successful, that isn’t freedom. If you have to keep working at a job you hate to maintain a lifestyle you don’t even enjoy anymore, that isn’t freedom either. If every raise in income immediately becomes a bigger house payment, another car payment and more monthly expenses, you may be earning more money without actually becoming wealthier.
This happens at almost every income level. I have seen it happen to people making modest salaries, and I have seen it happen to millionaires.
Meet Henry Rodriguez — @HenryIsFulfilled
Henry explores what it really means to live a fulfilled life beyond money and achievement. Through his work, he shares insights on purpose, personal growth, and finding balance across the spiritual, physical, mental, and financial sides of life.
What Are You Actually Buying?
One of the questions I eventually learned to ask myself was whether something was increasing my freedom or simply making me feel good temporarily.
That distinction changed the way I looked at money.
In my earlier years, buying something new could feel almost like a sugar high. There was excitement in the purchase, especially as my financial world expanded and I could suddenly afford things that had once seemed impossible. But the newness eventually disappeared. Then another car, another property or another toy would catch my attention.
Have you ever experienced that?
It doesn’t have to be a yacht. Maybe it’s a new phone you don’t really need. Maybe it’s clothes. Maybe it’s a car with a payment that makes your stomach tighten every month. The amount isn’t what matters. The pattern is the same.
I often joke, “Take two yachts and call me in the morning.” But there is some truth behind it. Materialism can become its own kind of treadmill. You buy something and it feels great for a while, but eventually the excitement wears off and you’re looking for the next thing that’s going to give you that feeling again.
I know this because I lived it on a scale I could never have imagined when I was younger. The more money I made, the more I could afford, but having the ability to buy more didn’t automatically make me more fulfilled. Eventually, I had to learn that enjoying what money can buy and depending on those things to make you happy are two very different things.
Financial Freedom Looks Different
My definition of financial success has changed dramatically.
Today, I think about money primarily in terms of freedom.
Can your money give you greater control over your time? Can it provide security for you and your family? Can it allow you to pursue work you actually care about? Can you survive a financial setback without your entire life collapsing? Can you help someone you love? Can you walk away from a situation that is unhealthy for you?
That, to me, is wealth.
A person with an expensive lifestyle and no financial breathing room may look rich while having very little freedom. Meanwhile, someone living in a much more modest home, investing consistently and keeping expenses under control may have enormous freedom.
Which person is actually wealthier?
It isn’t always the one driving the more expensive car.
Assets and Toys Are Not the Same Thing
I also had to learn to distinguish between using money to build wealth and using money to display wealth.
One of the principles I believe strongly in is putting money into things that have the potential to grow in value, including businesses, real estate and investments, rather than continually spending available income on things that lose value.
That doesn’t mean you can never buy the car.
Buy the car if you want it and can afford it. Buy the boat. Take the vacation. Enjoy your money. What I am suggesting is that you understand what the purchase is doing to your freedom before you make it.
I see people get this backwards all the time. They go deeply into debt for depreciating things because they want them now, while putting very little toward the assets that could eventually create financial independence.
The irony is that sometimes the person who looks less wealthy is quietly becoming much wealthier.
Your Net Worth Is Not Your Self-Worth
There is another side of this that has very little to do with mathematics.
Why do we care whether other people think we’re successful?
That question became extremely important for me because, at one point in my life, my financial identity and my personal identity had become far too intertwined. I wanted success, but I also wanted the significance that came with it.
When those two things become confused, money can start making decisions for you.
You buy something because of what you believe it says about you. You take on expenses because you don’t want to appear as though you’re moving backwards. You compare yourself with somebody who has more and decide you need to catch up.
But there is always someone with more.
At some point, you have to decide what enough looks like for you.
I still believe in accumulating wealth. I believe in entrepreneurship, investing, creating businesses and making as much money as you desire. My position isn’t that wanting money or beautiful things is somehow wrong. My position is that your net worth is not your self-worth, and the two should never be confused.
What Does Freedom Look Like to You?
Financial freedom isn’t going to look exactly the same for everyone.
Maybe your version is having enough invested that you never worry about retirement. Maybe it’s owning your home outright. Maybe it’s being able to travel for several months every year. Maybe it’s building a company you love. Maybe it’s being able to work three days a week instead of six.
The important part is deciding what your freedom looks like before the outside world decides for you.
Take a look at some of the things you’re currently working toward. Ask yourself a simple question: Do I want this because it will genuinely improve my life, or because of how I think it will make me look or feel?
Sometimes the answer will still be, “I just want the damn Ferrari.”
Fine.
If you can truly afford it and it brings you joy, enjoy the Ferrari.
Just don’t mistake it for freedom.
Build Wealth That Gives You a Life
In my upcoming book, Prosperity Principles: The Four Pillar Plan to Freedom, I share what I learned about making money, losing money, materialism, investing, ego and ultimately creating a very different relationship with wealth.
Financial prosperity is an important part of a fulfilling life, but the purpose of money should be to give you greater freedom, not to build a more expensive prison.
If you’re interested in creating wealth without allowing your wealth to define you, I invite you to join the waitlist for Prosperity Principles.
